Guilt Trap Read online

  ‘I beg you,’ Jodi said, stilling Maddie’s thoughts. ‘Don’t do this.’

  ‘I’ve already promised her a slot. I can’t back out. It wouldn’t be ethical. Why are you so against it anyway?’

  ‘Because she won’t benefit from our teachings. The two o’clock programme in particular is for bullied children and aims at building their self-confidence and generating empathy. She has no problem in either department.’

  Maddie did not reply.

  ‘I do know what I’m talking about.’

  ‘I never said you didn’t, I just want her on the programme. I believe it’s the right thing to do.’

  ‘Despite what I’m telling you.’

  Her nod was almost imperceptible.

  ‘You always think you know best, don’t you?’ She started to the door. ‘You’ve never listened to anything I have to say, and if you do, you steal the idea as your own.’

  A spark lit in her head. ‘This isn’t about Hailey. It’s about my recognition with the foundation.’

  ‘Finally, you get it! Would it have harmed you to thank me personally in your speech? Was the foundation not my idea? Did I not do most of the groundwork to build this place up? Did I not put money in?’

  Her anguish tightened her gut. Jodi was right, of course, and maybe it had been a little selfish not to mention her in the speech, but she had thanked her in person in the past, had she not?

  Doubts tensed her insides as she pondered their conversations nearly a year earlier. Whilst she couldn’t remember her directly voicing her gratitude, she had certainly acted accordingly. She wouldn’t have taken Jodi up on her idea if she had been against it, nor would she have given her such a major role in the business.

  ‘Forget it,’ Jodi said, striding to the exit. ‘I’ve said my piece.’

  Stunned into silence, Maddie sank onto the edge of the table and watched her leave. Normally, Jodi was easy-going and dealt with emotional turmoil calmly and privately. Her behaviour surprised; seeing another side to her friend created considerable tension to mount in her gut.

  She drifted to the window at the rear of the room, and with her arms folded, gazed blindly at the farmland and woodland. She had hurt Jodi, that was evident, but she hadn’t done it deliberately, nor did she believe it was worthy of her disgruntled behaviour. They were friends, close friends. Jodi should know better than to believe she wasn’t grateful.

  Footsteps sounding at her rear alerted her to someone’s presence and caused her to spin. It was Josh. His unexpected appearance released some of her anguish and brightened her expression.

  ‘There you are,’ he said, leaning to kiss her. ‘I’ve been waiting for you upstairs with a bottle of wine and a bite to eat. I need to get you alone before I explode.’

  There was a glint in his eye, and it warmed her heart. He was a wonderfully caring and thoughtful man, and she was grateful to have him in her life. But right at this moment, she had other more pressing concerns on her mind. ‘It’ll have to wait,’ she said. ‘I need to see Jodi.’

  ‘She’s already left. Did you two have a fight?’

  Maddie nodded. ‘She’s angry that I didn’t thank her personally in my speech, and she’s right. She has put a lot into this, and has a part share in the business.’

  ‘But you were accepting the reward on behalf of the foundation.’

  ‘It was for me too.’ She gazed through the window, thoughtful. ‘The least I could have done is thank her publicly. Without her, none of this would have been possible.’ She puffed out. ‘Damn it! I’m so stupid. What was I thinking?’

  ‘She’ll come around. Let’s lock up and get upstairs,’ he said, guiding her to the door.

  ‘Have the café staff left?’

  ‘Yes. Kelly and Earl too. I saw her slip out of the office just before she left.’

  ‘She was probably dropping off some paperwork. I’d better switch off the computer.’

  She paused at the doorway to the office, but before she had chance to slip inside, Josh swept her into his arms and slid his hands into her hair. ‘Can’t it wait? I’ve been longing to get you alone all day. Seeing you accept your reward made me so proud.’ He plied her with a flurry of tingling kisses upon her cheeks, around her ears, and down her neck. ‘And horny.’

  ‘I can tell.’ She pulled away. ‘Just give me a second.’

  He frowned at her decision, causing her to chuckle.

  ‘It’ll only take a minute,’ she said, ‘then I’m all yours.’

  ‘Is that a promise?’

  ‘Patience!’

  She opened the office door and weaved around the desk to the computer. There, she stilled. A cut out of a clock with the time set at ten past eleven, with the words, ‘your time is running out,’ lay beside the keyboard. With her heart pounded with a growing sense of foreboding, she glanced at Josh waiting in the doorway.

  Sensing her anxiety, he strode to her side and looked at the clock in her hand. ‘It’s probably a prank. Maybe one of the kids did it. They have been known to slip in here occasionally.’

  Her thoughts raced through the conversation she had with Jodi about Hailey. Given what she had learned, she feared it could be something the youngster would do. She shared her thoughts.

  ‘That’s the most likely explanation. As I said, it’s likely to be insignificant.’

  Not convinced, she pressed the shutdown button on her computer and waited for it to react, and all the time, she stared at the clock. It was there for a reason, upon her desk, by the computer. Was it due to her receiving the reward, or was it due to her dark and shrouded past? Maybe one of the journalists discovered her counterattack, a consequence of her father’s abusive tendencies. Was that possible?

  It was a thought that did not bear thinking about and caused her body to quake and her colour to drain from her cheeks. If someone discovered what had happened in her youth, her foundation could reach an abrupt end.

  All the work would be for nothing. No more children saved. They would suffer in silence. Some may even take their own lives.

  ‘I’d just ignore it, if I were you,’ Josh said. ‘It means nothing.’

  ‘What if it doesn’t? What if it’s because …’ her voice faded. She couldn’t tell him anything. Not now. Above everyone else, she needed him on her side. He was her only true support, especially given Jodi’s outburst. If he knew what had happened, their relationship would change forever. It was not a risk she could take.

  ‘What do you mean, what if it’s because?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. I’m being silly.’ She forced a cheerful face. ‘I thought you were desperate to get me upstairs.’

  A grin broke across his face. ‘Oh I am, and I have plans, big plans.’

  ‘Will I like them?’

  ‘They’ll change your view on me forever.’

  Maddie chuckled. ‘Really? You’re that certain of yourself?’

  ‘I am.’

  Chapter 2

  The first thing Maddie saw when she opened her eyes was Josh’s smiling face, and it created an inner warmth, spreading around her body, creating joy in her heart. Dressed only in boxer shorts, he leaned over and placed a mug of coffee and a hot buttered croissant onto her bedside cabinet.

  ‘For you, madam,’ he said, and kissed her lips and trundled around to his side of the bed.

  She raised herself to a sitting position and placed an additional pillow behind her back. Then, casting him an appreciative glance, she noted the healthy colour in his cheeks and the glistening whites of his eyes. He looked healthy and happy. He was a wonderful man.

  ‘Thanks for this,’ she said, reaching to her plate. ‘It’s just what I needed.’

  ‘You had a big day yesterday, and you didn’t eat very much. You’re bound to be hungry.’

  She bit into the croissant, and her mouth watered and her taste buds tingled. It was deliciously buttery and fruity, and slightly warm. ‘This is scrumptious Josh.’

  ‘I’ll do anything for you. Yo
u know that.’

  They may have only known each other a few short months, but from the outset, she knew they were soul mates. Josh was a few years younger and he had appeared in her life by chance. He had lived in East Yorkshire, eighty miles away, and had been collecting an item he had purchased in an online auction from someone living locally. Needing a coffee before his return journey, he had called into the centre.

  They had both felt immediately at ease, and their relationship was swift to blossom. She loved everything about him, the gentle unassuming tone of his voice, the sparkle in his eyes, and the interested way he held her in his gaze as she spoke, something which made her feel important and cherished. Never before had she felt so in tune with someone, a feeling that both surprised and reassured since she had spent much of the twenty years of her adult life alone. Grateful to be part of their union, she leaned towards him and murmured loving words.

  ‘I’m glad you appreciate me,’ he said, a glint residing in his eye. ‘I hope I live up to your high standards.’

  Her thoughts drifted to her work. ‘I don’t think I set them high.’

  Josh shot her a wry smile. ‘Thanks for the praise!’

  Maddie laughed. ‘That came out wrong. I wasn’t referring to you, I was thinking about work. I don’t set them higher than what is expected. It’s how you need to be to achieve success in business.’

  ‘What you’ve achieved is down to you and no one else. Jodi might have had some input, but from what you’ve said, you’ve done the majority of the work. You should be very proud. A good reputation carries a lot of weight.’

  ‘It can also tumble down in a flash.’

  He stroked her hand. ‘Why the negativity all of a sudden?’

  She offered a slight smile before her eyes drifted to the window and to the swaying branches, the blue sky and the fluffy white clouds.

  ‘You’re not thinking of the clock you found in the office I hope.’

  ‘Don’t you think it’s a bit strange? Let’s say for a second Hailey or one of the other children had put it there. They would have had to have made it up at home and brought it with them. None of them would do that. It was placed there with deliberate intent.’

  ‘Okay, I understand it’s a concern, but when all is said and done it is just a clock.’

  ‘With a meaning. Otherwise, why say, “Your time is running out”?’ She flung back the bed sheets and slung her legs from the bed. ‘I’m going to have another check in the office.’

  ‘Wait,’ he said, gripping her arm. ‘I want a cuddle.’

  She raised her eyebrows. ‘A cuddle?’

  ‘Okay, maybe I want a bit more than a cuddle. Please, it can wait half an hour, can’t it?’

  ‘Begging now?’

  ‘I keep on if it means I get your lovely naked body all to myself I’ll beg all you like.’

  ‘You’re impossible,’ she said, swinging her legs back inside the cosy warmth.

  ‘And you’re gorgeous.’

  After their lovemaking was over, Maddie stepped into the shower for a quick wash, and then she dressed and trundled downstairs. Josh was taking the second slot. He was always thoughtful and very sweet. Experiencing a rush of joy, she switched on the kettle for a second drink, and flicked through the previous days newspaper, skimming adverts in the classified section before returning to the news articles. She was reading an piece in the finance section when Josh appeared wearing cargo shorts and a clinging blue t-shirt with a small animal motif on the chest.

  ‘Want another drink?’ he asked, walking to the kettle.

  ‘Please. I’ll have a tea this time.’

  He grabbed the teabags from a cupboard, plonked them into two mugs, and soaked them in boiling water. When she noticed him swirling them around with a teaspoon, Jodi entered her thoughts. She had the same habit, and liked her tea strong and without milk and in its purest form. It was one of her quirks.

  The reminder of her friend brought sadness into Maddie’s eyes. She should have mentioned her in the speech, and regretted her thoughtlessness. It may only have been a small gesture, but it would have meant everything to Jodi. However, since she couldn’t reverse time, there was little she could do. The damage was irreversible and an apology was the best she could offer.

  Having made the decision to do it first thing, the following morning, she drank her tea and progressed through her routine. The animals in her care required much attention, from feeding and cleaning out their pens, to other minor details such as giving them attention to collecting the eggs from the hens. It was only when she finished that she remembered the cut out clock.

  Suddenly anxious, she hurried towards the building and stepped into Josh along the way.

  ‘Have you been in the office?’ she asked.

  He nodded. ‘There’s nothing in there that shouldn’t be there.’

  ‘Are you certain?’

  ‘Take a look, but I would have noticed. I am quite familiar with it.’

  She weaved past, strode through the lobby, and into the office. The clock was where she had left it, next to the computer, and as Josh indicated, it was unaccompanied.

  ‘You’re worrying too much,’ he said.

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘How about we take a stroll to the shop for a newspaper? We could take a couple of the dogs.’

  Troubled by the uncertainty of the obscured message, she held a stiff pose. It felt wrong to be going out in pursuit of pleasure when something serious could be in their midst. In the very least, she should be trying to find out who had left it, and racked her brain, searching for the whereabouts of possible clues.

  She switched on the computer.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he asked.

  ‘It was left there for a reason. Therefore, its meaning must be somewhere within.’

  ‘I wish you’d let it be.’

  Ignoring the hint of irritation in his expression, she settled into the swivel chair, tapped in the password, and waited for it to finish the process of initiation.

  Josh remained before her.

  ‘Why don’t you go out with the dogs?’

  ‘I fancied doing it together.’

  ‘Okay. Give me half an hour.’

  Josh nodded and departed, leaving her alone to check through her emails, social media pages, and website for anything untoward. It was a slow process, but she wasn’t going to cut corners, and started with her Facebook page. Meticulous in her efforts, she checked all postings of the last couple of days and searched for references to clocks or anything similar and more vindictive.

  Nothing was there that shouldn’t be there. It was a reassuring moment. She progressed through the other sites, checking every entry and every word. Still nothing. Lastly, she tapped in the name of her website, and believing the outcome would be the same, she allowed herself a moment to consider her outing with the dogs.

  She had six of varying ages and breeds, and made sure they all had time freed of their pens for love and attention and a scamper around the woodland. Mitzi and Harvey were the youngest, and were eight months and three years respectively and demanded the most attention. They were the ones they would take out since they had energy to burn.

  Her thoughts stopped with an uncomfortable abruptness. Her website images appeared on the screen, and rather than seeing an image of the building along with its mission statement, there was an unflattering photograph of herself, and underneath were unsympathetic words. ‘This woman lies. She hurts others and doesn’t deserve the praise. Don’t trust her.’

  Experiencing immediate and agonising pain, squeals escaped her mouth, heat flooded her face, and tremors extended to the tips of her fingers.

  How could this be happening? Who knew of her dark and shrouded past? How many hits had the site had since the image had been uploaded? Who was out to ruin her?

  It couldn’t be Jodi. She wouldn’t be so vindictive. She was a friend. And even if she had been upset by the speech, she had a share in the business and wouldn’t risk ru
ining their reputation. But who else would do such a thing?

  No one would spring to mind.

  However, now was not the time for contemplation. She had to remove it, and quickly. Aside from anything else, she couldn’t let Josh see it. She loved him too much to risk ruining their relationship by sharing details of her past, and fumbled through her documents on the computer and started the uploading process.

  Wiping away droplets of sweat from her temples, she urged it along. It progressed painstakingly slowly, with every second eating valuable time and causing her panic to grow. If anyone of importance looked at the website, her reputation was ruined. How would she ever return from this? Her life’s work would be lost and her shame exposed.

  She would not recover.

  ‘Maddie?’ Josh said.

  She jolted and looked up; his presence startled.

  ‘What’s wrong?

  ‘I … nothing.’

  He strode around the desk and stared at the computer screen. Then he passed her a questioning look.

  ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing.’

  ‘It doesn’t look like nothing to me.’

  Staring into his compassionate gaze, and feeling the warmth of his hand upon her shoulder, she lost her determination to hide the truth. She needed someone to share what had happened; she needed the only person she could trust.

  ‘Th-there’s something I have to tell you,’ she said.

  Chapter 3

  The river passed through the centre of the village, progressing through a small wildlife zone housing a range of shrubbery, grasses and wild flowers, before continuing to the next town. Easily accessed, it was a popular area for dog walkers, runners and wildlife enthusiasts alike. There were several benches with individual locations, providing privacy, and for Maddie space to share a part of her life she wanted to forget.

  Speaking of her father and the harsh treatment she had received created a once familiar surge of anger, bitterness, and terror to re-emerge. It was though she was in her teens again, cowering from his intimidating posture and reluctantly complying with his unreasonable demands; it was as though he was there in front her and she was breathing in his beer-filled scent.